New Year, New Blog Name

There was a meaning behind my previous blog name of Penway Product, but I never really liked it.  It felt too industrial to me.  It was an amalgamation of my mother's maiden name and my father's name, and was indicating that I was a product of those two people.  Nice idea, but I just didn't like it and although I wanted to change it I couldn't come up with anything better to replace it with.

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with Robert, about something I can't remember now, but whatever we were talking about made my brain dredge up the name my dad used to call me when I was little, which was Flossy Fannakapan.  I don't know if this was a popular pet name to call little girls in the 1960s, but I've never come across anyone else being called this by their parents.  I don't think I liked it much at the time, as I recall my dad using it when I had been perhaps a little cheeky or mischievous, so I associated it with getting into trouble.  Not enough to be properly told off, but just enough to know I was pushing the limits.  Anyway, now I think it sounds adorable, so I have chosen it as my blog name.  You know, the blog I keep up to date all the time.

I did a little research to see if I could find out where this name came from, and it appears to have been used in an old Gracie Fields song about a young man called Fred Fannakapan.  On the same site I discovered this bit of information, I read in the comments of one person being called Fanny Ann Fannakapan by her father when she was little. and another lady said her mother used to tell her to stop being such a Fanny Fannakapan when she was being fussy.  This second lady's great uncle, William Haines, was a lyricist for Gracie Fields, which was another interesting titbit.

Further googling reveals that it was actually in popular usage in the north west as a term of endearment, so not that mysterious or original, but I still prefer it to my previous blog name, and that's what I'm going with.

Charlie's Sleepover

Charlie is having a sleepover at marmar's house this weekend.  Everyone else is home too, so there were no spare beds which meant that Charlie had to sleep in his travel cot in our room.  He wasn't impressed with this arrangement until I told him that when it was morning we'd be right there with him and he could climb into our bed.  This seemed acceptable and he was happier to lie down and go to sleep.

We crept quietly into our room several hours later, trying really hard not to make any noise and wake him up and using the light from our phone screens to see what we were doing.  No problem, job done.

Robert was having one of his restless nights and ended up going downstairs to sleep on the sofa bed, leaving me and Charlie on our own.

I was drifting off to sleep when I heard a noise from Charlie's cot. He seemed to be mumbling something in his sleep.  I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he went quiet, so I tried to relax again.  I must have fallen asleep for a while, but not for long, when I heard Charlie again.  He was saying "stop, stop".  I wondered what he was dreaming about and hoped it wasn't a bad dream.  Anyway, back to sleep again.

"Stop, stop, stop doing that"

I didn't say anything because I didn't want to wake him up, but was beginning to think I wouldn't be getting much sleep if he was going to be having dreams like this all night.

Back to sleep again, then, "Stop it marmar".  Was he dreaming about me?  "Shhh Charlie, go back to sleep"

I was trying hard to ignore this but it carried on.  Charlie currently has a way of speaking where he makes a one syllable word into a two syllable word by emphasising the last letter, so he was now saying "stop, stop, stooooop", with the p being the second syllable all on its own, over and over.

By now I was getting concerned, but I was also tired, so was still trying to sleep.  Couldn't ignore it any longer when he started saying "you're going to wake everybody up, you're going to wake everybody up".  He didn't sound like he was talking in his sleep now, so I asked him what the matter was.

"You're going to wake everyone up marmar"

"How am I going to wake everyone up?"

"With your really loud snoring!"

Wow, didn't see that one coming.  Poor child must have been trying to get me to shut up for quite a while because he was sounding rather fed up by now.  I was stopping him from getting to sleep, not the other way around.

"Don't worry Charlie, I won't wake everyone up.  Go back to sleep"

"Okay"

Writing Prompt Number 13 - Write about your day

Today I did something I’ve never done before and it was good.  I booked my place and bought the train tickets a few weeks ago and now it was finally happening.  I was going to a briefing day all about the type of work I do and the changes the government are making this year that will affect how I do my job.  I know, I know, thrilling stuff.  So now to embrace today’s writing challenge and tell you about my day.

Manchester Road train station in Burnley has gone through a refurbishment recently and this was the first time I had needed to use it since it re-opened.  I knew there was a fancy new car park, so I felt it would be fine for me to leave my car there all day, and it would have been fine if there had been any spaces left when I arrived at seven thirty this morning.  Clearly this was not early enough as it was already full with the cars of serious commuters.  No matter, as I knew there was a street I could park on just a couple of hundred yards away, although this did leave me rushing to get to the platform as I’d not left much contingency time in my schedule.

Got to the station and had four minutes to spare before the train arrived.  Another first for today was taking the train to Manchester via Todmorden so I was looking forward to seeing some new scenery on my journey.  There are beautiful hills and countryside in that direction which I got to see from a different perspective on my trip. Very sheer slopes with rippling lush green ridges where many years ago farmers built dry stone walls and sheep still graze.

 I was sitting on the left side of the carriage and as we pulled out of Todmorden station I noticed some large white letters part way up one of the inclines.  Sort of like a smaller version of the Hollywood sign, and it said “kindness”. I have no idea why it was there or who could have possibly erected it, but it made me smile.  What a lovely word to see so boldly displayed as you go about your day.

The beautiful countryside turned into the urban outskirts of Manchester and the train was filling up.  Not long to Victoria station now. Alight the train and join the mass of workers in their everyday routine.  A quick journey on the Metrolink of just a few stops to the other side of the main shopping centre and I arrive at the hotel where the briefing day is taking place.  I’m the second delegate to arrive, and we make small talk that I can’t even remember now, until it was time to start. The man presenting the guidance today was a tall, older man who was wearing a smart dark blue suit and a red patterned tie.  He’d been talking for a few minutes when I noticed that the collar of his jacket was turned up slightly at the back and I could see the paler blue lining of the underneath.  Once you notice something like that, you can’t un-notice it and every now and again my eyes were drawn back to the offending collar.

There was lots of information to take in, and it was helpful to hear the different, and also shared perspectives of other people in the same line of work.  The morning passed quickly and as lunch was provided in the package, we made our way down to the hotel brasserie to eat.  We were still a few floors up and there was a good view of Piccadilly Gardens to take in as we relaxed for a while.

Back to the briefing for the afternoon and again I saw the upturned collar.  Clearly he hadn’t taken his jacket off to eat and he couldn’t have been to a bathroom either, or surely he would have noticed in the mirror and straightened it.  I do wonder if any of the other people at the conference saw it?

The journey home was delayed a little due to the emergency services having to deal with an incident somewhere along the track.  I have no more information than that, but it did mean the train home was six minutes late.  I hope that is an indication that whatever caused this was not serious as it didn’t take long to deal with.  The platform was full by this time and when the train pulled in, the announcer said that this train consisted of two carriages.  You could hear the groans as people realised they would most likely be standing up the whole way back.  However, being a woman of a certain age and with the confidence to give people the “I’m going first and you’re not going to get in my way” look, I managed to get a seat.  Unfortunately, that seat was right opposite, and facing, the toilet door.  I couldn’t even look out of the window as it was behind me.  Good thing I had plenty of battery left on my phone so I could keep myself occupied with catching up on the important news of the day, like the article about the primary school in Scotland that cut obesity and improved behaviour by having the children run a mile each day, and the lady who halved her family’s grocery bill by living off out of date food, and not forgetting that Harry Styles had lunch in Malibu.

So, how was your day?

My 500 Words - Today's Writing Project

I don’t like my mother in law and she doesn’t like me.  Now, I’m not just assuming she doesn’t like me, I know it because she has told me in no uncertain terms.  If you were unfortunate enough to encounter this woman and you were to ask her to describe me, then the words she would use would be snobbish, fat and not good enough for her son.  Now let me describe her to you.

She is 74 years old and around five foot 4 inches tall.  I’d say she is fairly average build for a woman of her age.  There’s some extra meat on the bones and the usual age related general drift south of all things that once stayed present and correct.  Her hair has always been quite blonde, so although there are grey streaks, you can’t really see them because they blend in with the rest of her coiffure.  Have you heard of the term “resting bitch face”?  Well I’m pretty sure she’s the reason this phrase was invented, although in her case it’s not just an unfortunate and incorrect assumption of her demeanour.

 

Here’s a story about one reason for my dislike of this woman.  It was Christmas several years ago, and on Boxing Day my mother and father in law were visiting us in our home.  We’d had a buffet lunch that I’d spent all morning preparing when I would rather have been having a nice long lie in to recover from the excesses of the day before, and we were sitting in the lounge relaxing with a nice cup of tea.  She hadn’t even said thank you for any of this and was now slumped in my favourite armchair with her usual scowl as though she’d been smacked round the face with a wet flannel.

I was trying to make polite conversation for the sake of my husband and for on-going family relations, but it wasn’t easy.  There are only so many things you can say about the English weather or so many questions you can ask about what she got for Christmas.  We had bought her what was, in my opinion, a very nice present that I had taken quite a bit of thought over.  It was a professional family portrait with my husband, our two children and the family dog.  I had asked her if she liked it and her response was “It’s fine, but you know I don’t like dogs so I don’t know why you’d want to include him in the picture.  I’m sure I don’t know where I’m going to put it”.  See what I mean?   I think my response was quite restrained, considering, but apparently it pushed our laboured relationship too far.  I just pointed out that perhaps if she’d put a bit more care and thought into the presents she gave to her grandchildren then maybe they’d be in here spending time with her instead of playing with gifts that were bought as stocking fillers by their aunts and uncles who hadn’t even seen them since last Christmas.

She didn’t take this too well, and the next thing I knew she was coming towards me with the speed of a young foal, having leapt out of the soft cushioning of my beloved armchair and covering the eight foot distance across the room in seconds, to land a punch smack bang in the  middle of my face.  My eyes watered immediately; I covered my face with my hands, and after the initial shock and disbelief I ran out and headed for the bathroom.  This woman was not going to get the satisfaction of seeing me crumple into a mass of tears, blood and mucus.

While I was in there checking for damage and composing myself, I heard the front door open and close.  My husband had suggested that they leave before I came back down.  I admit what I had said was intentionally provocative, but I’d never been physically struck in my life before.  How on earth could I be connected to a person who could stoop to that level, and what’s more, how had my husband turned out as well as he did with a mother like that?  It was for his sake that I resolved to leave the matter there, and we never mentioned it again.

A few months later when mother’s day was approaching my husband asked me to pick up some flowers while I was out shopping for food, and he would take them round to his mum the next day.  I chose a lovely arrangement with what I knew were her favourite colours.  Large pink daisies and some delicate gypsophila.  I showed them to my husband and he agreed that they would be something she would like.  Then I picked out one of the longest stemmed flowers and took it upstairs with me to the bathroom, where I pulled down my pants and wiped the stem in the crevice of my ample behind before replacing it in the bunch.

To this day it still makes me smile at the thought of her taking the flowers off her beloved son, holding them close to her nose and breathing in their sweet fragrance. 

First World Problems

One of the writing prompts for my 500 word a day challenge was to make a list.  How could you possibly reach 500 words with a list?  Challenge accepted, albeit not on the day the prompt was given.  

First world problems; not in any particular order.

1. The air from the hand dryer in a public bathroom is cold.
2. The new size of Magnum ice creams is smaller, so although they say you now get four in a box, they are four smaller ones.
3. You have to pay 30 pence to go to the toilet at Euston station.
4. The ending of Lost made you realise you’d wasted 121 hours over 6 long years waiting for the climax that was supposed to blow you away.
5. The supermarket has run out of your favourite coffee mousse again.
6. The latest video of a cute cat on the internet keeps buffering so you can’t watch it straight away.
7. Firefly didn’t get renewed
8. Jersey Shore did get renewed.
9. Your Amazon order didn’t arrive next day like it was supposed to.
10. They’d run out of the third meat option when you got to the front of the queue for your Sunday Carvery.
11. You bought tickets to see a stand-up comedian that you really like, and forgot to go to the gig when the date arrived.
12. It’s too warm in your modern open plan office and you’re falling asleep at work.
13. You didn’t get any decent photos of your dog dressed up in his Christmas Elf costume because he wouldn’t sit still long enough, and then sulked so you had to take it off him.
14. You found a small tear in the duvet on the enormous bed in your five star hotel room after they’d given you complimentary champagne when you checked in.
15. The spring loaded lid on the bin in the kitchen at work snaps back when you put your lunch rubbish in there and you get someone else’s gunk on your hand.
16. The Tivo box stopped recording 1 minute before the end of your favourite show and you missed the punch line.
17. You can’t find the garlic crusher when you’re making a chilli.
18. Spar shops in Vienna sell delicious deli food, but Spar shops in England don’t.
19. They’ve run out of peanut butter cheesecake in the American Diner you went into for dinner when that’s the one thing on the menu that you really wanted.
20. You have to load and unload the dishwasher every day
21. You couldn’t get your favourites seats in the IMAX cinema on the opening day of the next Marvel film you’ve been waiting for because someone had already booked them.
22. They changed the name of Jif to Cif in the year 2000 and you still can’t get used to it.
23. Cadburys have changed the recipe of their crème eggs and they don’t taste the same.  You didn’t like them anyway, but you’re still outraged.
24. Plastic carrier bags now cost 5p.
25. Having to find your old tin opener because you were reduced to buying store brand baked beans at the end of the month and they didn’t have a ring pull on the top.

Advice to my Younger Self

As I've mentioned recently, I'm undertaking a writing challenge.  As part of this, I am emailed a daily writing prompt that I can use if I'm out of ideas of my own.  I haven't used them up to now as I've always managed to come up with something myself, but I like today's prompt so decided to go with it.

Today’s writing prompt for me is to write a letter to your children or your younger self.  So far I've not used the writing prompts as I've always managed to find something hidden inside myself, but I like the sound of this one, and in the absence of anything better this evening, this is what I'm going to try and do.

I'm no spring chicken and there’s been a lot of life experience going on over the last fifty two years, but what out of all this would I want to warn my younger self about?  I'm trying to picture times in my life when I've felt completely without hope.  Of course I've made bad choices sometimes, but would I really stop myself from going through them?  If I hadn't got married to my first husband, I wouldn't have my three amazing older daughters, so although he was a very difficult person to love and I went through some terrible times because of him, I can’t regret it because of what I now have, even though at the time is was painful.

Carrying on with that train of thought, if I hadn't got divorced at the time that I did, I wouldn't have been around to meet my second husband who I have now been married to for 21 years and with whom I had my fourth beautiful daughter.

I would never tell myself not to fall in love with some of the boys I thought I was in love with, because they all played a part in my teenage years, and again, although there was hurt, there was also experience.

I suppose the one thing I would tell myself, is to believe in myself more and do what truly makes me happy, as what I still regret now is that I didn't go to study music when I was young.  I didn’t develop my voice and I didn't make a living from singing.  I had a good start with the choir and orchestra at my high school, and the singing lessons that my parents paid for, but then I made choices that took me down a different route and I didn't have the confidence or the belief that even with young children I could still have done something with my talent, rather than thinking that being a mum was all that I was ever going to be.  I thought you couldn't do both and that my chance had passed, but I was wrong. 

I was still in my early twenties when my two oldest girls were born, so my voice had not yet fully developed and there would still have been time to train it and use it more. I know my parents would have supported me if I had tried to do this, even if my husband didn’t, but I suppose he was the biggest influence in my life at that time, and like I said, he was a difficult person.  I have used my voice over the years in choirs and amateur operatic societies, but I know it could have been more if only I’d tried that bit harder.

Here’s something I think I've only ever told one other person.  When I was growing up I always thought I would be somebody.  That I would get discovered and spend my life travelling the world singing for a living.  I couldn't even comprehend how you could exist for years and years just going to work every day without everyone knowing who you were.  How could I live in this world anonymously, doing the same things day in and day out?  It didn't bear thinking about and I was so sure it wouldn't happen to me, but it did happen.  It crept up on me as each year passed and no one came knocking on my door to hand me a contract.  Well why would they?  I didn't go out and seek it. I stayed home and let life happen instead of making my life what I wanted it to be.  

So that would be my advice to my younger self.  Get off your butt and go out and find what you’re looking for, because you can be absolutely sure that no one is going to bring it to you.

Charlie and Grandma's day of fun

Whilst Bekah is away being all brainy and stuff at her Academic conference in Amsterdam with her beau Mr Bentley, grandma has been left in charge of Charlie.  I have been looking forward to this day for weeks because don’t often get the chance to have my grandson all to myself.  No parents to ask permission from, no Katy to whisk him away on some chasing game or to play a two year old’s version of hide and seek, and no granddad to growl like a bear with.

We started our day at 6am, discovering that he’d soaked through everything in his cot with a very leaky wet nappy, so first thing was to change him into clean pyjamas and strip all the covers off.  After that we got to have cuddles in bed and read stories for a little while.

It turns out that the met. Office was right and it had snowed overnight.  When I told Charlie to look out of the window and he saw all the snow, the first thing he said was “snowman”.   After breakfast, my plan was to take the dogs for a walk; I was looking forward to our trip out to Gawthorpe hall with them even more than I had been.  Now, I’ve been out on trips with young children on my own before, and I’ve been out on trips with dogs on my own before, but I’ve never combined the two until today.  There were leads, harnesses, jackets, treats and poop bags to organise before I even started on coats, boots and hats for Charlie and me, and let me tell you, it’s not so easy walking from the front door to the car with two excited dogs and a slow walking two year old in the snow.

By the time we got there later in the morning, it had started to rain, so all the snow was turning a bit slushier and there were lots of puddles, which Charlie really enjoyed until he realised his socks were getting wet inside his boots.  Lottie, with her short legs and fine coat of hair was not keen on some of the deeper puddles.  Linus, as usual, was running around and digging holes and generally enjoying the fresh air.  Nothing much bothers him, he just loves to play.

Back home and dry and time for lunch, which for Charlie was gluten free seeded bread toasted, with tune and avocado.  He sat in his high chair eating his while I was in the kitchen preparing my own food.  I could just hear him going “yummy yummy yummy” every minute or so, and when I came back to check on him he was finishing off the last little bit.

Afternoons are all about napping, and with Charlie tucked up in his cot, I got to have my nap on the sofa with Linus at my feet and Lottie sitting on my shoulder.  I’d set a timer on my phone to make sure we didn’t stay asleep too long, but I was woken up by my it ringing and Katy asking me to go and pick her up from college because she had a few things to bring home after her A ‘level drama practical exam this morning.  As I was coming back downstairs after getting Charlie, the timer on my phone started to go off so he was shouting “phone ringing, phone ringing”.  He rushed to get it and bring it to me so that I could answer it quickly.  He seemed quite concerned that it had been “ringing” for a while and wanted to make sure I answered it and didn’t miss the call.

I had been telling Charlie where we going while I was putting his coat and shoes on, so in the car on the way there he was calling out "Katy, where are you", but you have to imagine the sing song voice you would use if you were playing hide and seek or peek a boo with a little one, and then take all the consonants out of "where" and "you", so it sounds more like "Katy, ere are ou".  I mean, I guess you had to be there, but it is just the sweetest.

Post nap snack

While we were waiting for dinner to cook I thought it would be nice to watch a dvd instead of the usual toddler t.v. that’s on at that time of day.  I chose Wall-E, but it didn’t really hold Charlie’s attention much as her was far more interested in how long dinner was going to be.

The day ended with cuddles and stories before settling him down to sleep.  Can’t wait to do it all again tomorrow.