Robert got a phone call from his dad to let him know that it was time for the family to go to the hospital and say goodbye. From this moment on, it seemed important to me to try and remember every detail about the day. It started raining round about the same time as the phone call, which reminded me of English lessons at school and learning about sympathetic nature background. Robert contacted each of his brothers and sisters by telephone, and I could hear their reactions as he told them what was happening. He stayed calm and tried to be reassuring for them as he arranged how to get everyone to the hospital as quickly as possible. He had to do some internet searching to find Edward who was on a role playing weekend somewhere in the middle of Derbyshire. When he managed to speak to him, he heard Eddie's reaction and just said "I'm coming to get you".
Robert set off for Derby to bring back Edward, and I drove into town with Katy to fill the car up with petrol ready for the trip to Blackpool where Sue was. We hadn't spoken much on the three mile journey, but driving down Centenary Way we saw two late teenage girls, one in a wheelchair, and the other one trying to push her up the steep hill, in the rain, with no coats or umbrellas. They looked odd. Katy and I noticed them at the same time, and looked at each other and had a little giggle. Then on the other side of the road we saw a thin man with a blue umbrella. The umbrella was inside out but he was still using it as though it wasn't broken at all and was keeping him dry. We couldn't help laughing. I said that maybe he was collecting the rain. Katy remarked that that's Burnley for you.
Katy and I drove to Blackpool and parked at the hospital. I didn't have enough change to buy a pay and display ticket, but a very nice young receptionist took my car details so that she could tell security not to ticket my car. I had spoken to the receptionist because I couldn't see any signs to the department I needed. She directed me down a corridor and when we reached the ITU there was a poster on the door directing us to somewhere else. A nurse came along and could see we were a little lost. She asked us where we were going and when I told her, she asked us who we were looking for. I said "Sue Taylor", and a look came across her face, and then she did a strange little smile. I could tell that she knew why we were there. She told us that she was looking after Sue and she would take us there.
Richard, Kim, Eleanor, Sarah and Chris were already there, along with Ron. Eleanor and Sarah were talking to Sue and holding her hands. I hadn't seen Sue for a while, and although I had been told she was on oxygen I wasn't quite prepared for how much she was struggling to breath. Sue called Katy over to her and spoke to her. It was very difficult for her to say anything as each word had to be whispered after struggling to get enough breath. Katy told me afterwards that she had said she was to take special care of Anna.
Robert and Eddie were still on their way and Russell, who had been in London with Beth and his boys, was driving back up the country as quickly as he could but was still a few hours away. We chatted together and to Sue for a while and then one of the nurses asked us to let her have a rest so that she had enough strength to wait for the boys to get there. Sue had spoken to me, and told me to take care of her boy. She said other things too, but I couldn't hear her as her voice was very quiet and the machines were making so much noise. It was such a struggle for her that I couldn't ask her to repeat it, so I just said "ok" I didn't know what else to say, I just kept saying "it's ok". I held her hand. I've never held her hand before, but I just did it sort of instinctively. She occasionally gave instructions, like reminding Ron that he had an appointment to get his hair cut on Tuesday morning, and that the £15 for Ethan's birthday was in a separate account. "No more medicine", she sounded strongly relieved when she said this.
Sarah started to tell her about the birthday card that she had sent to Robert for his 40th birthday. Sarah had bought this card when she was working as a nanny in Houston Texas eleven years ago. She had seen it and thought that it would be perfect for Robert's 40th birthday. It came back to England with her and had survived several house moves. When she started to tell her I thought to myself that this was a little inappropriate due to the nature of the joke on the card, but she told the story anyway, and Sue laughed. Remember the film the sixth sense? Well the card was a picture of a man walking with a young boy, and the boy was saying "I see dead people", and the man said "no, they are just 40 year olds". Behind all the machines and wires she was still there. She proved this again later after Robert had arrived. He had asked me a question and I was bending over him to quietly give him an answer and I was told off for whispering because it was rude. I replied "why can't I? She is", and I got the look of amused wide eyed scolding I always got whenever I was being cheeky.
Some of us went out for fresh air occasionally and spent some time in the relative's room talking to each other. Eddie told me how amazing everyone was when he was told that Robert had rung. His friends packed up all his camping things and someone drove him halfway home to meet Robert so that he could get to Blackpool sooner. Russell was still on his way, and we were keeping in contact with him so that we would know what time he would get there. Ron had asked us all to think about if we wanted to be there at the end with Sue. She didn't want anyone to be there with her unless they wanted to be. Katy and Eddie didn't want to be in the room so I said I would stay with them.
Sarah and Eleanor sung Primary songs to her for a while. There was just Ron, myself and Richard in the room with her at one point. Ron asked her if she wanted him to wipe her forehead. She nodded, so he got a cleansing wipe and started to very gently wipe her head, and then her cheeks and her remaining hair. She had her eyes closed with her head turned towards him. He was paying so much attention to what he was doing and was being so gentle. She opened her eyes to look at him briefly and then closed them again. She looked relaxed for a few minutes. Richard was holding her hand and trying not to show that he was crying a little. Sue noticed and gestured to Ron to give him a tissue. Still looking after everyone. Richard said he had been trying to hide it, but she told him that she would be upset if he wasn't upset.
Russell arrived just after six pm. We went outside to give them some time alone as we had been there with her for several hours. Once Sue had spoken to everyone she was going to be sedated and made comfortable. Then they would remove the oxygen mask. We were told it wouldn't be long after that. Just before this happened, we were all together with her and she said that there should be a family prayer. We all held hands and Ron said the prayer. I don't remember what he said. Katy hugged her grandma and then we left the room.
I was in the relative's room with Katy. Eddie had gone outside for air. Robert came to tell us that they had started the sedation. We sat there quietly for a while. I thought Katy would be alright on her own for a minute so I went down to be with Robert round his mum's bedside with the others. Everyone was sitting quietly, some of them holding hands. Sue was sedated. I stood behind Robert, just watching Sue like everyone else. I didn't want to leave but I knew Katy was on her own. I was about to go back when Katy appeared. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to be in there. She told me that she had just felt an urge that she should come. Katy was so mature. I worried about her being there with us, but I think she coped so well.
Sue's breathing slowed down and some of us caught each others eyes as we knew how close it was. Ron was cupping her face in his hands and looking into her eyes the whole time. Suddenly and quietly he said that he wanted to be alone with her. We got up and left them. She slipped away within minutes.
We waited in the relative's room while they washed her and removed all the equipment so that we could say another goodbye. I suppose they expect people to stay as they had set out chairs round the bed. We went back in. Ron walked over to her and didn't pause there for long before he said "that's not Sue". He didn't need to stay, he knew she wasn't there anymore. I remember saying to him and Katy that everything she has worked for, she now knows.
I didn't manage to remember every detail. I am sure there are things I have missed that were important to others that were there, but I felt I needed to write this down so that we could remember. I have tried to put into words to Robert about how I felt, but nothing I say seems adequate to describe my experience.
Thank you Jean. This is beautiful and I am grateful you wrote it down. p.s. I know this comment is labelled as Darcy - that's because my google account is one I used for a blog for Darcy ages ago.
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